hilitehead

You are the eternal grounding I long for. I was frustrated, on the peak of destruction when you finally came to my rescue. Is it so wrong to fight for your affection while I have you, I only behave in such rebellious manners while in your protective realms. Don’t you see that its just a desperate plea for attention. You made me see hope again today, I needed this. There was too much blur on stacks of blur that I had to force a respiratory revival. I became a slave to my demented perceptions, labeling you as the headmaster, creating reasons to push you away. I realize now it was me, you were simply waiting.

Your stare has the power to transcends me down and onto the ground.
How I missed this genuine, unguarded, gritty connection with you. In these past couple months, I was looking for love in all the wrong places, but the path of momentary escape offered me some truths. How hypocritical I feel saying this again when extremes of deprivation and indulgence has now become a routine, subordinating every summer. But I also feel progress, I am no longer in denial of myself. Integrating with the lives of others has offered me self reflection.
Our talks go much deeper though, you charge me with potential, illustrating ever so clearly the two steps of before-after-and-infinity, pushing and pulling me into the prime. Your life experiences have left traces of battle scars on your face, what a wounded, embattled, and wise wolf you are. You maintain such a hard shell, but at moments like this I see your brittle insides. I forget that you are human sometimes.

I was scared at first, building up anxiety and excuses to maintain the distance, the cold air that linger between you and I. Today, the time was just right, with the color of peach that warm our cheeks, everything poured out slowly merging and settling into its course. You are a purpose, my purpose, the one person who can instigate and prevent my withdrawals into and from the void.
How do you carry on such weight, with such composure and dignity? I only wish I can help rather than be this burden that I am. Thank you for coping with my childish ways, I feel settled now that this is out.