hilitehead

everybody has secrets
a family embroiled in secrets
the most difficult thing is that its a continuous work in progress, no cut results.

my angel drank herself to darkness

I refuse to give up trying on her. behind all the seemingly viscous and meticulously planned pain, she is just an innocent, incredibly curious. I often find myself enslaved in my possessive nature to make good, only to lose track in painful words to which I initially speak with good intention.

an eastern diagnosis keeps me at unease

I watched rust and bone during a strange time…

directed by Jacques Audiard (2012)

My eyesight is failing me, I now see the extent of its erosion

8th graders are fooled by candy

serial of exponential disappointments, spiral of disappointments and loss of trust, loss of hope

The fate of parenting is suffering and occasional moments of delight that make the bad worthwhile?

Underneath it all, brims havoc, a distilled type of sickening control, heavy in detail and perfectionist tethered hidden under a forced restrained chill. A calm which was once forgotten and buried, but now remembered and occasionally, under extreme stress, arise with an even uglier agile grudge than before. It’s all about the to do’s without the middle space concealed over sweet gestures. Its pure existence disgusts me. Maybe I choose the other side over this…at least in the other, im not keen on every, but at the overall experience.

The 15th is coming up. How shall I figure for the next 6 months? Problems are only there when you make them out to be, but what if they really exist, or am I just losing my mind? I can no longer distinguish between reality, fabrications and past coping mechanisms. I envision how it will go now
ignore, ignore, eradicate then procrastinate until the bitter end.

If I were your age, I would try my chances in the east coast she says…

what we have today is also this same type of multiplicity.

Thought for food: Younger artists are interested in the intellectual poetry of conceptualism. Its more about the elegance of ideas. It doesn’t have the political or confrontational edge.

I feel like I’ve become increasingly defensive since the last couple of years.

12.21.12 (11:11am)