hilitehead

My brain is exploding. trying to make sense out of nonsense, trying to tell you everything (everything?) and all the while time is fleeing. And the air around me vibrates with so many images which is great because most of them are imagined in happenstance. The dust remains silent, so I ponder. At one the same person is two different people, the observer and observed. Recently, a life affirming $16,000 hospitalization and now, possibly yet another over priced education. Believe in me because I believe in myself and help me open that door. A burning to complete this chapter of my life. But if nothing comes through as expected, how to remain optimistic about Spring? the attachment mind is hard to restrain. SMFA has now become a distant longing, a distant memory. I grew up at that school, they saw the best of me and left wondering about the missing parts. I went through the deepest darkest places at that time, swimming in quicksand all the while flying in the clouds, and sometimes even on bubbles. I tore my flesh and bone for everything involved, especially classes – those were some hard-earned credits. I just hope they will transfer.
So much wisdom and people interaction these recent days, sometimes making a hand out of my foot and head out of my hands in stride.

Is art the guarantee of sanity? she said I have something to say that can only be said through visual language. We all ate tuna fish pita sandwiches and in between bites looked at each other for the past. Still, the man stands behind the man.

I enjoy the sun rise every morning now. I take my sister to her bus stop and on my way back listen to epic emotional music with sun rise. I remind myself of the things I have, the things we should be grateful for. I have this newfound desire to reconnect with my spirituality and even though we are in a land fractured by endless conflict, I am committing to the positive marrows.

My dream is to walk around the world with a small backpack, and all the essentials packed in place. A portable toothbrush, a sketchpad, a camera. A found notebook, a traveling gel pen set, an oath necklace. Good shoes. Perhaps also a nice black dress for the occasional afternoon train dance. I want to trudge up insane mountains and undisclosed lands. But now I walk everywhere in the city. Any city. You see everything you need to see for a lifetime on a bustling street. Every emotion every condition. Every fashion, every glory. How are we so optimistic, so careful not to trip and yet do trip, and then get up and say ok. I often wonder about he joy of hiding and the allure of disco balls…

The goal now is to be there where I think I am not and to disappear where I think I am.