hilitehead

Dear Hi.Lite.Head,

Oh how I’ve missed you…much has happened since my last entry. I have been traveling through a void, much like the pits of hell on a short-lived high of ecstasy and despair. This time it was different. The big freeze has been a thrilling adventure, a sort of unexpected period of misconduct to say the least, but in a moment of haste, I seem to have gained a few valuable life lessons…of loss, of insight, solitude and a better-found awakening for the path that lay ahead. I have a great deal to vent with you, but before anything, please accept my sincere apology for an abrupt absence.

Its true, you have always been my haven, the one thing besides art that felt pure, and as much as you started to feel like a job near the end, it still hurts me to think that I could abandon you like I do with most everyone that gets close. But it felt like the right step to take at the time. I know I must, and I will, I will work on the things that I must change. And before I forget, lets take this opportunity to revive our bond for the upcoming year of 2012. I want to stay genuine with you in all the aspects of this blog without the pressures of deadlines or menial expectations. I will stay true to my humble beginnings and take you along this most anticipated ride in hopes of finding many truth’s and gaining knowledge. And though I would rather be loved and adored, because I am a human being like everyone else, I think the world still needs people who can speak their truth without fearing the consequences. Here’s a cheer to a great year of happy blogging and 365 heartfelt posts.

Getting back to the main point, I saw a quirky little movie yesterday night called, The Shape of Things (Directed by Neil LaBute), which made me sort of rekindle and bunch up all the events from the past couple months into a very unified map. The movie yields a thought-provoking study about the effects of our image obsessed society, and how our infatuation with the surface of things are ultimately overshadowing and jeopardizing who we are as moral beings. We are all to a degree infatuated with our hollow exteriors, and even go to great lengths to make life altering decisions against the better judgement of our beliefs. But why do we do it when we know its wrong? since we usually come out the other end with limp bodied identities.

I truly despise the fact that the majority of our society consists of sheep’s, of people who are so afraid to be themselves, to stand up for their beliefs against judgments, and against these so-called rules. Sheep’s want nothing more than to conform, and conform to what I say? Of course I think it would be impossible to stand against all the currents of society, but the point should be for one to strive and stay connected to the realms of their morality, to the realms of their truth amid the shape of things…I’ve always harbored a lot of unresolved conflicts and anger towards my father which became the starting point for many of the problems in my life. I didn’t know how to properly cope with these negative feelings, so I always had these periodical outbursts and as a result I was never really able to achieve harmony with my emotions or harmony in my life. But recently, everything changed for me. I got an opportunity to resolve things with my family. It was difficult to surface the problematic issues, which were issues bigger than itself, issues of ego, especially because they are byproducts of our society today, of our infatuation with the shape of things. And for a while I refused to fathom the idea that my father, my hero, this honorable man who I have always looked up to is in fact also a byproduct of his image, but then so am I, a byproduct of my image…I believe we always need to remind or be reminded of our true essence, of our morals from time to time in order to stay aware of our image.

It was an emotionally draining couple of months, but I’ve never felt more purified and unequivocally in harmony with my family and my future as I do today, on this last day of 2011, happily awaiting a new day tomorrow.

Happy New Year dear Readers!